Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
