dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
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It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.