so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We got so high we made milksteak
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea