So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
