i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
