This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
