he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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