piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
