I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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