omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
