Pants 0. Shit 1.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
birth control should be required to get into college
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
