You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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