The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
