We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
