the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
