I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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