we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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