Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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