She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
