Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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