Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize