Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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