i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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