haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
