lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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