I CAN MOONWALK!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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