Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
