I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
