I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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