omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
