he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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