i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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