I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
