Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize