If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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