i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
