i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
