Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
