Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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