There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
