New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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