I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
