Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pooping to opera.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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