ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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