Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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