On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
