he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
