I'm gonna have a badass scar
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..