I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.