apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets