I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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