Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys