video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What a dumb baby whore.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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