I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
