I'm going to jail i love you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
