I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
