Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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