Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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