If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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