How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
