Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
