White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
