walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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