So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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