I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's always time for handjobs
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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