I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
