scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
