Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
