Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
