I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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