She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
