i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
